Atlantic City Bound

Gearing up to go to Atlantic City to run the 1/2 marathon tomorrow morning. Right now I am feeling nervous but also excited. I am looking forward to the sports expo today and dinner tonight with my cousin and Hans. Although I will admit that I am quite nervous, I really have nothing to lose. You cant let fear stop you from doing something. I am going to work hard to keep the gremlins of doubt out of my mind today and tomorrow and do the best that I can. Jen always says, don't worrying about the finish, because you will always finish a race. Its just a matter of making it to the finish line. Hopefully this will be a catalyst to want to step up training for the full 26.2 which is months away at the happiest place on earth :) Until tomorrow! xoxo

Peace in a praying mantis or maybe its a grasshopper...

Today I walked after school with Lauren through the parkway. I finally got my I run working on my phone and mapped out a 5miler to run at some point this week. Although mildly sore, it feels good to be back out on the trails running and working on getting closer to my goals. Today was a nice break from the hills and bugs from yesterday. During the middle of my work day, i started looking for a sign for which direction to take things with work and life and general. Lately, work has been draining and exhausting. After walking with Lauren I came home to the largest and most exotic creature, albeit a praying mantis. It was huge and although he didn't stay around very long, he offered me a sense of peace after a hectic day.


Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.- Gandhi

We Are Always To Believe The Best And Not Assume The Worst.

Its funny how sometimes you can be taken back in time from a familiar scent or a deja vu feeling. Today while running hill sprints with Jen, a flood of familiarity came over me. It came in the form of sucking wind, vertically, until my lungs felt like they were going to burst. I had memories of running sprints in middle and high school from lacrosse and softball. It was the same feeling of pain, same smell of being out doors and the same suffering that only comes from pushing yourself as hard as possible before you make progress. Heading up around hill #4 I got an unwanted surprise. As I ran, ( mouth wide open I am sure) I ate a bug. If you know me you can imagine the gagging that ensued. I almost threw up, I was screaming, spitting and gagging up the hill. Jen yelled at me to not throw up, and of course wanting to please her I did the only thing I could think of, I swallowed. I didnt even stop. I knew she was suprised. I was too.  It was by far, the most disgusting and vile thing that happened today. haha. We also made friends with some boxers who were training on the same hill. One was pulling a 45 pound weight up and then back down, I of course told him he should be running the hill, not walking. He laughed in my face. They did however offer us the use of their work out ropes which I would have loved to use but Jen said no break and thought I was just trying to distract her ( I was). My old trainer Chrissy would have made those men cry with her mad rope skills. I wanted to give them a go, maybe next time. After the hill sprints we did plyometrics and Jen realized I can hardly skip as I have no natural rhythm. If Chrissy is reading this, she can attest to that! I am sure she remembers showing me exercises 5 times and I still couldn't get it right. haha. I have to thank my family especially, my cousin Amanda, my mom, brother, Hans and my aunt Gail and uncle Phil for sending me immense love the past few days and words of encouragement. Thank you for your kind words and inspiration. It doesn't go unnoticed. I appreciate it all. Aunt Gail, Thank you for my new mantra, " We are always to believe the best and not assume the worst". Your faith in me, keeps me going when times get tough. xoxo

Today I remained true to my word and got out there again to run and rebuild from last time. My best friend Sara came to visit me tonight and I made sure I ran before she got here. She was more then accommodating so it worked out and I was able to have a great time with her after my workout. Today, I ran the parkway like before but this time I was met with a plethora of wildlife. I saw a few chipmunks and even an overweight groundhog that scared me while it waddled through my direct path. At one point, I passed a rather large leaf that I kicked with my foot and swore it was a snake. Luckily, I kept running and didn't slow down to make sure it wasn't alive. I am pretty sure it was a leaf, at least I hope it was. Today was a fair run, it felt good to be out there and doing what I love, minus the knee pain. I even passed a few of the runners who saw my breakdown last week and they were met with surprise to see me moving along with, wait for it.... NO TEARS. Tomorrow coach Jen has me running hills at my own demented request. I am looking forward to it! I would like to thank everyone for their love and support after my running low last week. It means a lot to know everyone is behind me. I love you all. 

Lets get honest, refresh and re motivate.

Its amazing how time moves forward with no regard for those of us who make plans and try to do it all. It seems that in a blink of an eye, Summer came and went leaving us with a new September start. Between back to school, weddings and everyday life I woke up this morning with a scary realization that its already October. I love all things Fall especially the changing of the seasons and Halloween. Aside, from my love for this time of year, I've been noticing that recently something has been happening. My motivation and self esteem for running was vanishing. Flash back to last week. After work I found myself in the parkway getting ready for a run. Hans was going to show me his 5miler loop and I started out happily next to him. Somewhere along the route, I started to bash myself. I told myself I wasn't good enough, fast enough or worthy enough to be out there. My inner thoughts that should have been uplifting were horribly miserable and depressing. I was letting doubt creep in. Its a scary thing, running. Its just you against yourself and if you let the doubt it, it can go down hill quickly. I tried to push it out, and ignore it but I let it in and it was too late. I started to cry, which while running makes it hard to breathe. I stopped, and  sobbed on the side of the river. High school track teams passed in horror, sneaking glances at the psycho having a nervous breakdown on the side of the path. Friendly couples kept their distance and urged their dogs to stay by their sides to not get too close to the crazy crying woman that was before them. Hans   came back for me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was disappointed. I hate letting people down, and I hate putting pressure on myself. So here I was, crying for no good reason except that I thought I wasn't good enough. I let doubt in and had the nerve to believe my negative thoughts to the point that I stopped running. I yelled at Hans and told him to leave me alone, which he did. I cried some more, ran for a while and then got angry when it started to rain. It was far from a  good day. In fact, it was most likely the worst day of running I've historically had. So why even re hash it? Somehow somewhere along the way, Ive lost faith in myself and the real reason that I am running. In two weeks I am running 13.1 miles. I need all the faith and motivation I can get. Not too far from now, it will be 26.2. Its going to be me against myself out there. Nothing but Jackie. I am using this breakdown as a step to get back out, back up and keep going. Recently, my good friend Melissa got married and I had the pleasure of being in the wedding party. As a gift, we each received a necklace with a word from the dictionary. Mine was motivation. It couldn't have come at a better time. When I wear it, I feel stronger and it is a gentle reminder that I am blessed to have amazing family and friends that support me. They want me to succeed and make it to the finish. It couldn't have come at a better time.  Tonight, I am downloading new running songs and hitting it hard this week. Time to dig deep, find that motivation. ( oh and no more crying in public) 

Coach Jen

Today after work I headed to the parkway with Becky and Jen. We recently decided that Jen would be our coach once a week and when she agreed, things all seemed to fall into place. As a former college runner and Cross Country coach she seemed like a legitimate choice. We planned to run, have dinner and catch up at least once a week. Whoever is hosting makes dinner and tonight, I made the tacos which we followed up with tiramisu. Nothing like mixing Mexican and Italian foods on a Monday, living on the edge. Today Jen helped us through interval training. we did 6 400s. I am pretty sure she wasn't used to all that complaining and I wasn't used to all that panting. It was a good run and afterwards we got to put our feet in the water and then munch on tacos! Ole! Over all it was a good day. I think Coach Jen will be a welcome addition to the running schedule :) 

Bruiser's 5k

This morning I had the pleasure of running with my good friend Jen. We did a rave in the parkway. Bruiser's 5k supports canine cancer research at Penn Veterinary Medicine. Despite the rain last night the course was mostly dry. Although, we did end up with wet feet from the few puddles we tried to dodge. Overall, it was a great run with lots of adorable dogs. Jen ended up finishing first place in her age group! Go Jen! 


THREE WEEKS TILL 13.1 MILES!