Today I remained true to my word and got out there again to run and rebuild from last time. My best friend Sara came to visit me tonight and I made sure I ran before she got here. She was more then accommodating so it worked out and I was able to have a great time with her after my workout. Today, I ran the parkway like before but this time I was met with a plethora of wildlife. I saw a few chipmunks and even an overweight groundhog that scared me while it waddled through my direct path. At one point, I passed a rather large leaf that I kicked with my foot and swore it was a snake. Luckily, I kept running and didn't slow down to make sure it wasn't alive. I am pretty sure it was a leaf, at least I hope it was. Today was a fair run, it felt good to be out there and doing what I love, minus the knee pain. I even passed a few of the runners who saw my breakdown last week and they were met with surprise to see me moving along with, wait for it.... NO TEARS. Tomorrow coach Jen has me running hills at my own demented request. I am looking forward to it! I would like to thank everyone for their love and support after my running low last week. It means a lot to know everyone is behind me. I love you all.
Its amazing how time moves forward with no regard for those of us who make plans and try to do it all. It seems that in a blink of an eye, Summer came and went leaving us with a new September start. Between back to school, weddings and everyday life I woke up this morning with a scary realization that its already October. I love all things Fall especially the changing of the seasons and Halloween. Aside, from my love for this time of year, I've been noticing that recently something has been happening. My motivation and self esteem for running was vanishing. Flash back to last week. After work I found myself in the parkway getting ready for a run. Hans was going to show me his 5miler loop and I started out happily next to him. Somewhere along the route, I started to bash myself. I told myself I wasn't good enough, fast enough or worthy enough to be out there. My inner thoughts that should have been uplifting were horribly miserable and depressing. I was letting doubt creep in. Its a scary thing, running. Its just you against yourself and if you let the doubt it, it can go down hill quickly. I tried to push it out, and ignore it but I let it in and it was too late. I started to cry, which while running makes it hard to breathe. I stopped, and sobbed on the side of the river. High school track teams passed in horror, sneaking glances at the psycho having a nervous breakdown on the side of the path. Friendly couples kept their distance and urged their dogs to stay by their sides to not get too close to the crazy crying woman that was before them. Hans came back for me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was disappointed. I hate letting people down, and I hate putting pressure on myself. So here I was, crying for no good reason except that I thought I wasn't good enough. I let doubt in and had the nerve to believe my negative thoughts to the point that I stopped running. I yelled at Hans and told him to leave me alone, which he did. I cried some more, ran for a while and then got angry when it started to rain. It was far from a good day. In fact, it was most likely the worst day of running I've historically had. So why even re hash it? Somehow somewhere along the way, Ive lost faith in myself and the real reason that I am running. In two weeks I am running 13.1 miles. I need all the faith and motivation I can get. Not too far from now, it will be 26.2. Its going to be me against myself out there. Nothing but Jackie. I am using this breakdown as a step to get back out, back up and keep going. Recently, my good friend Melissa got married and I had the pleasure of being in the wedding party. As a gift, we each received a necklace with a word from the dictionary. Mine was motivation. It couldn't have come at a better time. When I wear it, I feel stronger and it is a gentle reminder that I am blessed to have amazing family and friends that support me. They want me to succeed and make it to the finish. It couldn't have come at a better time. Tonight, I am downloading new running songs and hitting it hard this week. Time to dig deep, find that motivation. ( oh and no more crying in public)
Today after work I headed to the parkway with Becky and Jen. We recently decided that Jen would be our coach once a week and when she agreed, things all seemed to fall into place. As a former college runner and Cross Country coach she seemed like a legitimate choice. We planned to run, have dinner and catch up at least once a week. Whoever is hosting makes dinner and tonight, I made the tacos which we followed up with tiramisu. Nothing like mixing Mexican and Italian foods on a Monday, living on the edge. Today Jen helped us through interval training. we did 6 400s. I am pretty sure she wasn't used to all that complaining and I wasn't used to all that panting. It was a good run and afterwards we got to put our feet in the water and then munch on tacos! Ole! Over all it was a good day. I think Coach Jen will be a welcome addition to the running schedule :)
This morning I had the pleasure of running with my good friend Jen. We did a rave in the parkway. Bruiser's 5k supports canine cancer research at Penn Veterinary Medicine. Despite the rain last night the course was mostly dry. Although, we did end up with wet feet from the few puddles we tried to dodge. Overall, it was a great run with lots of adorable dogs. Jen ended up finishing first place in her age group! Go Jen!
THREE WEEKS TILL 13.1 MILES!
This marks my first week as a Lehigh Valley resident. Its been interesting so far. Adjusting to a new place is difficult especially for someone who hates change such as myself. Perhaps the most exciting part of moving is checking out new places to run and nearby trails. Today, Becky and I hit up Lehigh Parkway after school to run and detox from a stressful school day. We ended up chatting and dodging the zillions of kids who were there for a track meet. It was nice to be outside, catch up and to loosen the legs on a gravel path. Tomorrow she has the day off so I am heading back alone, and hoping to do 7 miles. Until then. Run on.
As I desperately hold on to the last days of my summer vacation, I cant believe that its already September. While reminiscing about my training, and cleaning up my blog I noticed that August wasn't much to brag about running wise. I hadn't put the time in and because of that I was left feeling like I wouldn't be able to do too much when I finally did get out there. I told myself day after non running day that I would do it tomorrow. While on vacation I told everyone I was resting and that I of course, deserved it. looking back I suppose I could also shift blame to my uncle Phil and Scott for making amazing breakfasts during that week that left me stuffed and sleepy:) Anyway, this week all that changed. My amazing cousin inspired me to sign up for a half marathon that worked with my schedule and it gave me the boost I needed to get over myself and get back out there. Truth be told, my running hiatus lasted 2 full weeks. During each day that passed, I thought it was pointless to run and I was dreading it because I thought I wouldn't be able to go far since I hadn't been running. It was a viscous cycle and it turns out that in the end, I was wrong. Just like riding a bike, I went out it all came back to me. All said and done I was able to do 5 miles no problem. I got the feeling back that I once had, the feeling of being strong and free, deciding how far to go and how hard to push myself. The next day, I went 7. The point is, I spent all that time dreading getting out there for fear that I would stink. Truth is I didn't stink, not even a little. The more you run, the better you are. The better you are the further you go and this week getting back out there was just what i needed to fall in love again with running.
I cant believe that summer is over and its already September! This past month has been both the best and worst for me. Lets start with the best aspect. This summer I got to go on a wonderful family vacation and work on a killer base tan. I really felt like summer went fast, but it was amazing. I am moving into a new apartment, starting a new school year and I am truly thankful. In the worse department, my training has been what my aunt Gail refers to as a rest. period. All good things must come to an end however, and tomorrow its back on the horse. Since I am lacking motivation and super stressed starting a new school year and setting up my classroom I decided I needed a short term goal. Sparked by my wonderful cousin Amanda's blog, I signed up for the AC half marathon and I am looking forward to it. Training is a go go. Break out the ice packs.
